Apr 13, 2018

Spotify Playlist #4: SURGICAL

This is, perhaps, the shortest playlist of all the department rotation I have been through. I started my fourth posting Surgical with Feel It Still, a catchy song with mischievous Tarantino-vibe tune. I didn't know what to feel about Surgical when I first entered the department - I was a bit apprehensive and was fighting to be alive despite having to go to work with the team I was put in, having to stomach the many imposed stupid rules and not to mention handling the antics of the wards and superiors alike. 
We could fight a war for peace
Ooh woo, I'm a rebel just for kicks, now
Give in to that easy living
Goodbye to my hopes and dreams

On a personal growth, after months of numbing the break-up of my relationship, I began to open up and learning to tolerate listening to crappy stupid love songs. But being tolerant doesn't mean I enjoyed listening to them. For instance - I vividly, viciously, vehemently and venomously hate that Perfect song by Ed Sheeran. That song is rubbing salt to my wounded heart with every syllable that ginger bastard uttered. The very first line,
I found a love for me

is enough to make me cursed out aloud in the car at him before joining up and sing along to the chorus. The version of the song that is in my playlist, though, is the Perfect Symphony where Ed is singing duet with some Italian master singer. I was introduced to this song by my lil sister during our family vacation holiday in Port Dickson and I like it, despite the anger I felt every time this song came up.

Next, the ever feel-good Macklemore graced me with the song These Days by Rudimental to be put in my playlist. The song is gentle and soft to the ears - it's a slow rap song that seemingly innocent at first listening but it's actually a fucking cutthroat song that kills me in my sleep.

Oh, I know it ain't pretty
When two hearts get broke
Yeah, I know it ain't pretty
When two hearts get broke

And when I thought this song couldn't kill me more, here comes the bombshell chorus:
I hope someday
We'll sit down together
And laugh with each other
About these days, these days
All our troubles
We'll lay to rest
And we'll wish we could come back
To these days, these days

There's no fucking way it's gonna happen. Not in any near possibilities nor in any future. I am in the process of healing myself. I want to forgive myself, more than anything, and to this to happen I need to let go of everything. Let me start anew with myself - away from everyone I know and everything I had known to love.

Okay enough with all that depressing matters. What's done is done. 

Lastly, from the same ginger bastard I mentioned earlier I came across the acoustic version of the song Ciao Adios by Anne-Marie. I love it, love it, love it. You'll be surprised how different the tone of the song changed when it is sang in acoustic. Cheating is never the theme of my fucking break-up (sorry I'm getting emotionally unbalanced) and in actuality there's nothing that I can relate to with this song. However, there is this part that really sums me up when I had to deal with all these flash floods of miserable memories (such as this moment):
Ciao adios, I'm done

1 comment:

  1. Dont feel so terrible about it. She’s forgiven you a long time ago & doing good :)