Aug 19, 2018

Spotify Playlist #5: Pedopedo

Alhamdulillah, as with every end of posting I will post about my Spotify playlist of songs that I resonated with during the said rotation. I hated Paeds not as fiercely as I thought I would be - it was definitely much better than my dreaded first rotation of doing O&G - partly may be contributed from the accumulated experience and foreknowledge of the dos and don'ts here in Paediatrics.

I did not enjoy much in Paediatrics, that's for sure. The screaming and the wailing of the patients, the dangers and the pitfalls that lurk in between medication errors and failing to recognize paediatric emergencies, the infamous attitudes of shitty colleagues producing questionable MCs and ELs, the potential and tendencies of extension - all of these are enough to make one miserable.

Help me, it's like the walls are caving in
Sometimes I feel like giving up
No medicine is strong enough
Someone help me
I'm crawling in my skin

Well, takdelah sampai level crawling in my skin but it's akin to that, just mildly so. I hated the busy wards and their patients. I lost count on how many times I had to rein in the strained effort of controlling myself from cursing into the heavens on why I needed to spend up to half an hour just to take blood from one patient. And so I screamed into this old song. God, missed you Chester.

I'm gonna run away, and never say goodbye
Gonna run away, gonna run away
Gonna run away, gonna run away

And over time the feeling propagated and became more depressive. It's hard to get out of it, what with how hard it was to get leave at the time I needed it most. That's one of the reasons why people are taking MCs and ELs left, right and centre I guess. When the outlet isn't there, people will find other ways just to breathe. Absent colleagues only bring about the vicious circle of hell in Paeds because the lack of HO coverage is the killer in any working environment. And that would leave me feeling raw and unnerved:

Everybody knows
Everybody knows where we're going
Yeah, we're going down

I was counting days to leave Paeds. My colleagues who had moved on to the next rotation only added to my envy. At times I wished they will stay and wait for me so that all of us should move on together. They all looked much, much happier in other rotation. While the theme of the song is different, I liked how Ed Sheeran delivered this line that suits my mood:

Cause baby you look happier, you do
My friends told me one day I'll feel it too

But finally when I finished my short and long case, with my logbook and greencard approaching completion - I cannot help but feeling motivated. The end had come and I never been happier to know that I managed to survive yet another rotation without (major) troubles. I thanked God for giving me the strength from going bonkers working in this rotation. I feel anew. Like a phoenix born out of ashes (over seyh kau Safuan. Hyperbole at its finest!). And for this, I felt that the song Glitter & Gold from Barns Courtney is my favourite song during this 4-month duration in Paediatrics.

I am flesh and I am bone
Arise, ting ting, like glitter and gold
I've got fire in my soul
Rise up, ting ting, like glitter
Like glitter and gold
Like glitter

Thus I bid you farewell and goodbye, Paediatrics. I will miss you not.
Hello, ED.

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